Dreams
by FallenTruth
Summary: HoroxRenEveryone has dreams, but no one else ever knows what they are unless you tell them. Ren and Horo feel for each other, but things always get in the way.


**FallenTruth: **Here is a random oneshot that just came to me when I was sitting doing nothing. Please read and let me know what you think. It is a bit odd and I think I was a bit rushed when I wrote it, but oh well. I love writing Horo and Ren stories. They are such a cute couple, but I am so mean to them both.

--

Dreams

HoroHoro's POV

Everyone has dreams don't they? They help to define us. We are our dreams. They tell others what we are like and not always in a good way. I mean take my dreams for a start. I dream of an amber eyed boy who looks on me with distain. I dream of him holding me and kissing me. I dream of him so often I don't know what reality is anymore. I am too caught up in this thing that can never be. I mean I always hear people saying that it is wrong. I can't like a boy if I am also male. It isn't right they say. I have heard them. If Ren knew the same disgust those others have for homosexuals would be in his eyes. Whenever he hears mention of homosexuals he looks at me and then his expression tightens to one of anger and loathing. Thatlook would be aimed at me. I will never be able to fulfil that dream. It is so far out of reach I will never have a chance with him. Instead I will act as I always have around him and ignore the beating of my heart just at his mere presence. Why doe he make me feel this way? Why does he make me dream such impossible things? He stand there and only seeing him causes me pain. I want to reach out and grab him. Hold him close and never let go. I want to leave and never come back.I never want to feel this way. I look up as the object of my thoughts walks into the room. I want him to leave, but know he won't this is his house after all. His amber eyes are guarded and he is frowning.

"Stop staring Ainu baka." I feel a snarl cross my face. I hate him! Yet I also adore him. I can not live this close to him and not have him for my own. I need him. He is the drug and I am the addict. I can not take this anymore. Words spill from my lips hateful poisonous words that are bricks building a wall between us. A wall I can never cross a wall that he will never touch. A wall that I want to tear down, but it is too late and this is the only way. This is the only way that I can leave him alone. I see real anger in his face as he listens to my words and I know I have gone too far in my wish to try to stay away from him. His voice explodes from deep within him and he shudders under the intensity of his emotions.

"Get out now! Never come near me again.I will kill you if you do. You have no right to say that about me or my family. You don't know me! Don't pretend to be my friend. Just go now. I hate you HoroHoro and I always will." Those final words send a sharp pain through me from my heart. That is the last nail in the coffin of my dream. It was such a futile dream really. I knew that there was no way he could ever love me or care for me in the same way, but now. Now I will never see him again. I turn and leave running out of the front door slamming it behind me, but then my feet freeze. I am standing with my back to the door. Part of me begs him to open it to tell me this is all a misunderstanding. I pray even though I don't believe in God. I hear footsteps coming towards the door and my heart leaps. Any moment now the door will fly open and Ren will confess that he didn't really mean it and that it was all a joke. That he wants me to stay with him forever. There is no sound of the door opening. There is silence. The enormity of what just happened washes over me. He hates me. He never wants to see me again. My dream isn't just dead and buried it is ripped to shreds before my very eyes. Tear spill unheeded down my cheeks and my knees give way. I fall and find myself with my back pressed to the door. A door that I hate, because it hides from me the one that I love. I sit there head bowed and unable to move.

Ren's POV

I am thinking of him again that stupid Ainu baka that holds my heart in his clumsy hands. I dreamt of him last night, such empty dreams. They can never be reality. I always see his face when we hear others speak of Homosexuals. His face drains of all colour and he looks as if he is going to be sick. He must hate them a lot if that is his reaction. If I told him about me I would never see him again. He would hate me. I can't bear that so instead I stay behind my mask. I act as if I think the same way he obviously does. I yell at him like I always do and I treat him badly and all the time I hate myself for it. I want to reach out to him. I want to say I am sorry, but he would not welcome my touch. He would shun me push me back. I will not feel alone again. I could not bear it a second time. I am weak. I have spent too much time with Yoh. I need friends now. I can't live without them. This is wrong so wrong. I shouldn't need anyone least of all HoroHoro. I walk into the front room and find my gaze drawn to his. His azure eyes glowing in the light as he looks at me unwaveringly seemingly seeing through my defenses. I can't have that! His gaze unnerves me so I snap at him.

"Stop staring Ainu baka." He snarls at me. He saw! I know he did. He knows how I feel and now he hates me. His words do nothing to alleviate the feeling of anxiety that has settled in my heart. Why else would he say such things? Even if he never says the true cause for his hatred I know it. He saw the love shining through my eyes at him. His words are acidic burning through my defences burning through the mask I wore. His words embed themselves in my mind etched there for all to see and remember. Then I am reacting like an animal to the pain without conscious thought or effort. I feel my entire body trembling with the force of my anger as I shout at him, but also holding in the tears that threaten.

"Get out now! Never come near me again. I will kill you if you do. You have no right to say that about me or my family. You don't know me! Don't pretend to be my friend. Just go now. I hate you HoroHoro and I always will." My last words horrify me. What have I done? Why did I say that? No I don't mean it, but I am too drained to say anything else. The look on HoroHoro's face as he turns from me and runs is one I will never forget. I hear the front door slam, but still maintain my composure. I imagine I can hear him running further and further away from me. I walk towards the front door slowly and as I reach it I stop. I stare at that unforgiving piece of wood. I slump down resting against it and then tears are all there is. They slid down my face faster than I can wipe them away. He is gone. I sent him away and he thinks I hate him. That isn't true at all. He must hate me. I try to be practical. It was all just a dream anyway. I knew he could never really love me didn't I? Or had I always subconsciously thought he would accept me. I bow my head in shame leaning against the door.

Authors POV

The two boys sat back to back on either side of the closed door not knowing how close they really were to the other. Each had the same thoughts running through their heads. _He hates me he always will. how could he ever love me? _They sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but finally HoroHoro stood. He stood and slowly began to move away. Every step he would stop and he had to use all of his will not to look back. Each step tore open his heart again. Ren was sure he heard something outside, footsteps. He stood and quickly reached for the doorhandle. Then his hand stopped just as he was about to touch it. What if he was imagining things? If he opened the door and there was no one there then it would hurt even more. If HoroHoro was there though, what could he say to him? Could he confess and live with himself if the other didn't return his sentiments? What should he do? Time stopped.

--

The thing with dreams is they often fly just out of reach. You have to jump for them and grab onto them tightly. However, many stumble and fall on the way.

--

**FallenTruth: **There you go I hope that you like it and please review. Give me your opinions. I am just trying to get back into writing. I have become somewhat rusty so some constructive critiscism to help me get better again would be appreciated. Tell me what you think. Anonymous reviews allowed.


End file.
